Monday, January 31, 2011

Christian/Atheist pre-discussion questionnaire

Christian/Atheist pre-discussion questionnaire:


Do you disbelieve in a god? [Y]/N
Do you believe that No God exists with 100% Certainty? Y/[N]

Why? [check all that apply]
[X] rejection of undemonstrated claims, parsimonious epistemology
[X] rejection of fallacious arguments [especially the argument from ignorance]
[X] specific claims demonstrated to be false
[X] Other ________________________ (see my blog, iron chariots, rationalwiki, index of creationist claims)


How are we to be saved? [multiple choice]
[ ] Grace Pre-destined
[ ] Grace Free Will
[ ] Actions
[ ] Faith
[ ] Accepting Jesus as Lord
[ ] Baptism
[ ] Other _____________________

Baptism Is?
[ ] Means Of Salvation
[ ] Outward Expression Of Inward Change
[ ] Obedience To God
[ ] Other _____________________

Baptism is accomplished by?
[ ] Aspersion
[ ] Affusion
[ ] Immersion
[ ] Submersion
[ ] Other _____________________

Please list your special Apparel requirements:

Please list your special age/belief restrictions:

Do you have to be changed into an ass for Baptism or is human form acceptable [see Apuleius]? Y/N

What are the sacraments? [check all that apply]
[ ] Baptism
[ ] Confirmation
[ ] Cannabis (e.g., Ethiopian Zion Coptic Church)
[ ] Blessing of Children
[ ] Lord's Supper
[ ] Marriage
[ ] Celestial Marriage
[ ] Endowment
[ ] Administration to the sick
[ ] Ordination to the Priesthood
[ ] Masturbation (just seeing if you are paying attention)
[ ] Ordination to the Aaronic and Melchizedek Priesthoods
[ ] Evangelist's blessing
[ ] ALL actions are sacraments
[ ] NO actions are sacraments
[ ] sacraments are FORBIDDEN
[ ] sacraments are symbolic only but allowed

Glossolalia is?
[ ] the work of the devil
[ ] The spirit of the Lord speaking through you
[ ] The confused and random firing of neurons in the brain's speech area, often brought on by drugs or rhythmic swaying, chanting and dancing
[ ] sometimes sign of mental health issues

You can drink poison and be bitten by snakes and be unaffected? Y/N

You can light bull meat that is soaking in water on fire through prayer (1 Kings 18)? Y/N

Through faith and prayer you can:
[ ] command mountains to throw themselves into the sea
[ ] command trees to throw themselves into the sea
[ ] wilt fig trees
[ ] nothing shall be impossible
[ ] cause ill patients, who know they are being prayed for, to suffer depression and fare worse when their health fails to improve

Children should be?
[ ] Seen and Not Heard
[ ] Stoned to death if they speak back to their parents too much or don't follow 'Gods' ways
[ ] spoiled if not beaten regularly
[ ] Eaten by their own disobedient parents in the end times
[ ] Treated like humans

If you believe god has ordered you to sacrifice your own child, you should?
[ ] Seek psychological help immediately
[ ] No Really! Seek psychological help immediately
[ ] saddle up your donkey and chop some wood

Causing the death of innocent children, is?
[ ] Always bad and evil
[ ] Not Always Bad (first born of Egypt, Jericho, seven tribes, Noah's flood)
[ ] Only ok for God because he has the right to take a human life any time he wants, but this isn't a relative morality standard, morals are absolute

Women should be?
[ ] treated as equals
[ ] silent and not try to teach
[ ] kept barefoot and pregnant because they are vessels of procreation

I know God is real because?
[ ] everything is evidence of God
[ ] the bible tells me he is real
[ ] I saw God/spoke with God (personal revelation) w/medication (includes cases of illness, near-death, extreme pain/suffering, emotional distress, drug use, etc)
[ ] I saw God/spoke with God (personal revelation) wo/medication or other effects
[ ] I lied about the above question because I don't want to look like a kook

Isaac is saved from sacrifice by?
[ ] God's Grace
[ ] Abraham's Faith

God commanded the the seven nations (Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, aHivites, & Jebusites) to be "utterly destroyed" and shown no mercy because?
[ ] They were in the way
[ ] They occupied the lands promised to Gods chosen people
[ ] They sacrificed children to their God and, unlike with Abraham, God couldn't stop them himself (I have evidence of this)
[ ] They sacrificed children to their God and, unlike with Abraham, God couldn't stop them himself (I have NO evidence of this)
[ ] They sacrificed children to their God for which the punishment should be having all your children slain (God has a sense of Irony)
[ ] Other ______________________

Holy Communion is?
[ ] Silly Catholic ritual
[ ] Literal Body and Blood Of Christ
[ ] Symbol Of Christ's Body and Blood

The Bible is?
[ ] inerrant for all time
[ ] inerrant only in the originals
[ ] inerrant in spirit, but requires proper interpretation, which requires faith
[ ] inerrant but have become corrupted
[ ] not inerrant, but useful for knowing God

Jesus was?
[ ] an actual person
[ ] an ideal

Jesus is?
[ ] A man
[ ] A prophet
[ ] Son of God
[ ] God himself in the form of Jesus

Genesis is?
[ ] Real Science!(tm) Joe Cienkowski
[ ] A slightly metaphorical story about the Real Events which reveal God to us
[ ] A colorful creation myth which draws from Gilgamesh and other pre-biblical sources

Historical information from the Bible is?
[ ] all 100% true and accurate
[ ] mostly true and accurate
[ ] some true, some made up - hard to tell the difference

I could go on and on -- it would be amusing to put together a comprehensive set some day but it could take YEARS of work.

Add your own in the comments!


  1. God hates?
    [ ] Fags
    [ ] Shrimp
    [ ] people who proclaim to know his mind and judge others
    [ ] War
    [ ] Social assistance programs
    [ ] Other Gods
    [ ] American Idol

  2. Do animals have souls?
    [ ] Y
    [ ] N

    Do identical twins have two souls or just one?
    [ ] one, shared
    [ ] two souls
    [ ] one of the twins is a soulless zombie

    How do souls work with clones?
    [ ] each clone would magically get a new soul
    [ ] there is only one soul, shared
    [ ] the clone would be a soulless zombie

    Would the MANY individuals created by forcing an early stage morula or blastocyst to split into individual cells (up to ~64 of them) get new souls created?
    [ ] there is only one soul, shared
    [ ] each cell would get a new soul created
    [ ] all but one of the cells would be a soulless zombie
    [ ] all the cells would be soulless zombies, this type of question is the work of satan

    Do you have different answers to the question for natural twins, clones, and forced twins?
    [ ] Y
    [ ] N

    How can you even pretend to know the answers to any of these questions, aren't you just making it up?
    [ ] Y
    [ ] N

    Did you change any of your answers after reading all the questions?
    [ ] Y
    [ ] N

  3. Do other Gods exist besides YWHW (the Trinity or whatever you believe)?
    [ ] Y
    [ ] N

    What are the other gods mentioned in Psalm 82:6-7?
    [ ] Ummm.... There is only one God
    [ ] They are just rulers

    If the gods mentioned in Psalm 82:1-2 are simply rulers why does it SAY they are gods and why will they "die like men"?
    [ ] Ummm... There is only one God
    [ ] They are rulers because so-and-so said so

    Why is YWHW described the 'God of gods' in Psalm 136:2?
    [ ] Ummm... There is only one God
    [ ] Just a figure of speech
    [ ] Other? _____________

  4. What evidence would make you believe that no god exists?

    [ ] no evidence would make me believe no god exists
    [ ] other ______________________

    Do you believe the bible is perfectly true and accurate?
    [ ] Y
    [ ] N

    If No, then how do you decide which parts you believe and which parts you don't believe?

    Essay: ____________________________

  5. Homosexuals / 'men who lie with men as with women' (aka people who might be different in gender-identity, biology, or expression from you)...

    [ ] are deserving of death, as per Romans 1:25-32 and affirmed by Paul in the New Testament return of the runaway slave Onesimus to Philemon
    [ ] are icky but I can't think of good reasons to deny them marriage
    [ ] everything I don't like in the Old Testament is metaphor and I haven't read the New Testament very well
    [ ] should have every secular individual right (including the right to enter into marriage with an adult partner of their choice) as other adult individuals in the United States as expressed in the 14th amendment to the US Constitution
    [ ] Other, please explain